Talking in My Sleep

DH tells me I was waxing philosophical in my sleep on Friday night about infertility. As always - this was in my normal speaking voice - just at 3 a.m. Of course,  I was conversing with myself and some unknown person.  DH only gets to hear my side of the conversation - so we never really know the full context. I think he should get a tape recorder - because he can't remember what I said - but he definitely knows the topic was infertility.  I wish I was surprised - but I am not.  Clearly - my subconscious is working overtime.

Being in the middle of an IVF cycle is one of the most emotionally draining things I have ever done.  Knowing the last cycle was cancelled and how traumatic that was for us - I feel like everyday I am waiting to have the carpet pulled out from under me.  Even though I am trying to stay positive - I am scared as h*ll.  We will do the egg retrieval, fertilization and g*d willing and the crick don't rise - embryo transfer the last week of June.  

I am so checking in to a hotel for 5 days for  strict "bed rest" and DH can come over nightly to give me the amazing progesterone in oil shot in the a** - that is supposed to aid in implantation.

Some days - I feel like the Hyundai  Dealership of Infertility Clinics committed minor malpractice.  As I have gotten more educated about the different protocols RE's use - I can't believe that I underwent 3 IUI's with Clomid and was never prescribed progesterone suppositories or told to relax for 24-48 hours after the insemination.  I know - what's done is done - and I agree it may have been too soon for us to get PG - but still.

I continue to hope for the best and am really believing that a little red wine would help take the edge off - but DH is standing his "no wine" ground.  So I will keep drinking club soda and crystal light and plan to have a drink sometime in 2008 or 2009 - after the shop is closed.