so not a web designer

calgon take me away! simply tried to add a "badge" for a new favorite and i have completely altered the layout of my gadgets. i have tried everything to get the gadgets back on the column on the right - i am very annoyed in this moment.

christmas . . . first things first

let's start with the advent calendar.

i looked high and wide for an advent calendar that i would love. found this one last year at gump's online. it is a little larger than my postage stamp house can handle - so it will be living on the kiddie table for the next month. location will be great once my daughter figures out that she gets to open a door each day. luckily she is still so young - that i don't have to worry about 24 little toys or candies to fit in the drawers. that promises to be a ROYAL pain in coming years.

i love the beginning of this season - i can feel the creativity in the air during the holidays. my favorite gifts are always those that are handmade - they mean so much more to me. my friend bekki reminds me that eventually alot of the stuff we buy is going to end up in a landfill anyway - so i keep that in mind these days when i trend towards wanting another "new something" that i don't really need.

what are your favorite gifts?

choices part 2

Below is an excellent post from one of my favorite creative women. Tracks nicely with my earlier post about choices.5 Reasons We Don't Have TV Posted using ShareThis

choices

sometimes i am so overwhelmed by the choices at my disposal - it is almost paralyzing. when i get those few precious minutes of time - time that is mine and all mine - what to do. scrapbook, blog, read the washington post, catch up on "my shows" on the dvr or work on my photography skills. or call a friend, call my mom or write a letter. i want to do all those things but i can't decide where to start - so often i choose the path of least resistance. i watch the dvr and answer emails. i am beginning to realize that "my shows" on the dvr are the least fufilling of all my choices - so i think it may be time to re-work my plans - say goodbye to a couple of the sleepers that i tape just because i can and start to use my limited time more wisely.

DC Baby . . .

proof positive that my daughter knows how to represent. her adidas sweatsuit and ben's chili bowl. what else is there for a day out with dada? next week - breakfast at tiffany's with mama.

thankful

even though somedays i tend to forget - i have much for which i should be and am thankful. first . . . my beautiful 20 month old daughter - who is exhausting me these days as she comes into her own and is testing her boundaries with incredible regularity. my husband - who at his core is a good and decent human being. my parents - who have done an incredible job of supporting me over the years - each in their own way. my sister-friends - who allow me to forget somedays that i am an only child. and god - who i know is carrying me through this whole journey - because clearly i would not be here but for his grace.

victory dance with football spike . .

how you like me now? ah - yeah! i did it! i did it! now i just need to start blogging with regularity again. just have to remember not to complain too much about todd, parents or friends - because they might check this blog out. do i need to start a second secret blog where i don't use pink paint? :)

digital scrapbooking

okay - so i am trying to reconnect with my creative side. so i decided to return to my online photoshop elements class (gotta love jessica sprague) and completed lesson one. let me see if i can remember how to add a photo to this post.

checking in again . .

honestly - i want to blog everyday - but then my life gets in the way. all is good in the hood. i got no complaints. somedays i wish i could work part time but that is probably the dilemma of all working mommies. i feel like i need one day to go the grocery store and think big thoughts . . . the divine miss q has entered the terrible twos about 6 months too early . . . but we drink organic milk! :)

you know you are an adult . . .

when you and your husband take a day off of work for "date day" and a trip to costco, lowe's and the grocery store makes you giddy. we had big plans for lunch and a movie - but realized that we could only accomplish so much in time to come home and meet the tree stump removal crew - that we opted for errands and we are both contented. this is my life and i love it - really.

the divine miss q is letting me know that she understands everything that is said and is capable of making her own decisions. the conversations go a little like this - question: can mommy change your diaper? answer: no. question: can mommy help you with that? answer: yes or vigorous head shake to signify yes. don't let mommy try to put her hand on the yogurt container to help steady it - that results in a nice push of mommy's hand off the yogurt container.

cosmic payback for sure - but i am loving every minute of it. i think i even have DH on board for baby number 2 . . . details to follow.

time out

i really think i need a time out. the kind that could last a few days or even a week.  my house is a disaster - which feels pretty representative of my life these days.  ripping and running to work full time, be a good mom and wife and then try to find a minute for me.  i envy my friends who stay home with their children - but i know that staying home brings its own challenges.  i want to custom design a life that will work for me - a balance of work and at home time.  i need a manual - usually i can find my answer on pg. 36 . . . can someone send me a link?

beginner or re-beginner

this is the name of the running program in which i am participating.  it is also the name of where i find myself in life. a new job by definition makes you a re-beginner.  i have worked before and i have worked well - but now it is all brand new.  sure - i have an impressive title - but that fragile feeling of being the one isn't sure about the protocol for decisions, or whether or not to ask permission or seek forgiveness - who won't leave at 4:55 - just in case someone needs me at 4:59 - those are the things that creep into my psyche and give me that re-beginner feeling.  i long for the day when i can feel secure in my decisions again, when i will speak with the authority of someone who " has been doing this for years" and when at 3:15 p.m. on a friday - i will say "peace out" and pick up the divine miss q from daycare early.  change and transition are difficult for me - i know it and i understand what is happening in my psyche now - but it doesn't mean i have to like it.

sunrise, sunset

watching the divine miss q tonite - i found myself thinking about the lyrics to sunrise, sunset from fiddler on the roof. we were playing in the living room and when i said " nite nite q" - she ran over to the corner and tried to hide behind the chair. it was incredible - where did my little baby go? i am now the mother of a toddler - who has the presence of mind to hide when i announce it is time for bed.  the mischievous grin on her face was enough to last me for a thousand years - i could only pick her up and smile.  my daughter remains the greatest blessing of my life - she reminds me what life is all about - i am so very lucky.

Sunrise, Sunset

Is this the little girl I carried?
Is this the little boy at play?

I don't remember growing older
When did they?

When did she get to be a beauty?
When did he get to be so tall?

Wasn't it yesterday
When they were small?

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly flow the days
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers
Blossoming even as we gaze

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears

What words of wisdom can I give them?
How can I help to ease their way?
Now they must learn from one another
Day by day

They look so natural together
Just like two newlyweds should be
Is there a canopy in store for me?

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly flow the days
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers
Blossoming even as we gaze

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears

time to make the donuts

do you remember that commercial - i think it was a dunkin donuts commercial - where the baker would say in this dull voice " time to make the donuts' and it felt like it was ground hog day for him? well i definitely share his pain on monday mornings.  gearing up for the commute, the harried pace and the personalities is a struggle on mondays.  who knows why it is not a struggle tuesday-thursday. i think friday gets a pass because we know it is only 8 hours until the weekend - where we are the masters of our destiny. and then it is monday again and we are workin for the weekend . . . 

why blog?

in the blogosphere you read alot from people about why they blog - maybe they want to talk about their incredible papercrafting skills or their adoption journey or their infertility struggles.  this blog started when we were trying to conceive the divine miss q. once she was born - it felt like i had nothing to say. but i have realized over the past few months that blogging is so much more than papercrafting, adoption or infertility.  for me it is about connection with the people i love, the stories i wish i could tell over lunch or lemon drop martinis.  so i decided to relaunch the blog without a promise of what you can find here and instead a promise that whatever is happening for me - you will be a part of . . . kinda like an open invitation to be a voyager into the movie i call me. of course my husband - who i call DH - is all wound up again - afraid that i will reveal something that may harm his dreamed of security clearance.

shoes

these are my favorite shoes owned by the divine miss q. i think it only fair that the offspring of the the divine miss k be called the divine miss q. i bought these shoes when she was 3 months old - knowing that one day she would rock them - just like her mama used to rock her jimmy choos back in the day.  but interestingly enough - just like i wanted to save my jimmy choos for a special occasion - i want to save these too! which is hilarious - considering that post pregnancy my feet grew and my jimmy choos hurt my feet - like i bought them at payless and paid $19.99 BOGO.  q will have grown out of these shoes by the time i decide there have been enough "special events" such that she can wear these parisian bad boys to day care.  because i swear everything that she wears to day care comes home covered in tomato sauce and dirt.  so i am uber cautious about what she wears there.  FYI this post is really a test of my uploading picture abilities . . i think i passed.

103.6 . . . really?

daughter with 103.6 temperature means leave friend's wedding 30 minutes into ceremony.

watch listless toddler in rearview mirror as you drive home at break neck speed. 

call husband who is on 30 miles bike ride - 45 minute drive away - leave voicemail.  

undress toddler - snuggle up for a bit - put toddler in her bed. 

text husband temperature details. 

be happy that she will drink her "agua" from her sippy cup .  .  .

remind yourself that you are competent and can handle this.

realize that competency is not the issue when you feel helpless.

3 miles

i did 3 miles - 2 minute run - 2 minute walk.  average pace was 16.5 minutes.  i loved it - breaking a sweat - feeling proud of me for the courage to start and looking forward to the day when i can do a 10 minute mile. 

rome was not built in a day and this body did not turn into this mini-train wreck over night. so while i know that i have miles to go before i sleep - i am just glad that i have turned the switch on.

short term goal is to do this 3 x a week.  

long term goal is the gw parkway classic in april 2010.

"girly goal" is to look good in cousin's wedding pictures in may 2010.

gotta have health and "girly" goals to complete the total package.

the courage to start

tomorrow is a big day. 

i am trying out a program at the local running store to see if it fits my needs.  the coach told me to come and join the group run - before i committed to the 6 month program.

here is a description of the program:

Pacers Beginner and Re-Beginner (B&RB) training program is a specially designed regimen for women of all ages who have never run at all and for women who once ran consistantly but have not run for a while. Personalized coaching is provided in a supportive team environment with knowledgeable and committed coaches and motivating training partners who allow you to accomplish more than you could training on your own.

This comprehensive program for women, with groups from the Alexandria, Arlington and Fairfax store locations, is a a platform for setting reasonable goals, working hard to achieve those goals and having a lot of fun reaching them. Imagine crossing the finish line for the first time regardless of the race distance and experiencing a feeling of accomplishment unlike any other . . . . . 

gives you a kind of cool - triathlete wanna be feeling.  makes me think about all the "gear" in my near future.

it reminds me of the woman i once was before becoming a mom and losing my way a little bit.

i am realizing that this is more than just feeling fat, tired and forty-three. 

this is about the courage to start believing in me and caring about me again.  realizing that if i don't make me a priority - no one else will.  and  i am not mad at them for that - i am just realizing that i need to start taking responsibility for me again.

being a mom is the best thing i have ever done.  i kick myself daily that i did not get here sooner and praying that i can get here a time or two more.

but being a mom is hard.  i am third of three in my house - by choice.  everyone else's needs and schedules trump - because i allow it.  i feel guilty if i am not here when Q wakes up and i feel guilty if i am not here when she goes to bed.  i know this needs to change.

so tomorrow - when i leave the house at 5:40 to join the group run - they will all be asleep. when i get home 2 hours later - they will be in full swing and i will wonder what i missed.

i need to change that thought pattern and realize what i gained - by taking some time for me, by activating to improve my health and well being.  

not what did i miss - but what did i gain.

stay tuned.